literature

For the Scars I Have

Deviation Actions

NomNom2010's avatar
By
Published:
367 Views

Literature Text

I have been told I do not know pain
But I do
My heart was broken by the man I looked up to
The man who gave me life and
I was abandoned by him
I was young
I did not know what to do
Was it my fault that made him leave?
Confusion lead to depression and rage
And rage turned to flame of destruction
I fed the furnace of hatred with the things he bought me
Then to my own bed
Thankfully it was put out before any real damage was done
Soon after we moved
But my depression came with me
In my new house
Sometimes at night I would
Sit atop the staircase with a kitchen
Knife when everyone went to sleep
Silently wondering to myself
If my blood would reach the bottom before I died
After thinking it over and over
Tormenting myself with
"What ifs"
I would cry
Out of anguish and regret
And trudge down and put the knife back
When I got back to my room
I would shame myself for not have to guts
To cut myself to bleed out
I found a way to cut myself and
Not show scars
I would cut my bonds with friends
I would make friends just to make them hate me
So I would know the pain that I feel is real
That rejection from other lets me know that I am still
Alive
I was desperate
I willing became a victim of bullying
Just so I could feel alive through pain
But the scars of mental health
Would not heal
Only fester
The pain only fuel my anger
I could not take it anymore
I lashed out the one person I truly cared about
My mother
The look on her face brought me back to reality
Like a sobering punch to the face
That I needed help
I was hospitalized not once
But twice from both anger and depression
Now that it has been years of recuperation
I can finally help others
But the trauma I have gone through
Still eludes me
As to protect myself
I had to forget
I have lost
Eight years of my life
My childhood
To forgot the one who caused me
The deepest scar of all
My father
The pain I know is not physical
But of emotional and mental pain
I do not need physical scars to show my battles
My wars with myself
For the scars I have
I can only see
And my war has been a long one
I fought many battles
And now
I make my stand
To not make any new scars
But to heal those of others
For that is the only way mine can heal
When one heals another, we all heal together
This was really difficult to write, I honestly started crying when I was halfway through.
© 2016 - 2024 NomNom2010
Comments7
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
copper9lives's avatar
…Write it out, Tyler. Let it stain the paper, and free your soul… I'm glad you're still with us. :huggle: